Al-Fatihah buat Shidah (Adnan)

Ramadhan tahun ini amat berlainan dari Ramadhan2 sebelum ini. Ramadhan masuk hari ke-8. Buka puasa di rumah cuma 2 kali, di surau bapa mertua 2 kali, dalam kereta atas highway 3 kali, di kedai makan di kuala nerang 1 kali. Hari ini berbuka puasa tanpa isteri. Lia masih di Lenggeng, Negeri Sembilan, mengurus hal ehwal kematian adik beliau Dr.Norrashidah yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada Sabtu, 6 Ogos 2011, bersama 6 Ramadhan 1432.

Pada 11 Julai, Shidah dimasukkan ke Hospital Serdang untuk rawatan hernia. Namun selepas pemeriksaan lanjut pembedahan hernia yang dijadualkan pada 13 Julai terpaksa dibatalkan kerana para pakar dapati bahawa ianya bukan masalah hernia tetapi CANCER. Beliau segera dipindahkan ke Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya untuk mendapat rawatan dari pakar2 onkologi di sana. Beliau menjalani pembedahan pertama pada 15 Julai dan doktor mengesahkan bahawa Shidah menghidap Adenocarcinoma of the Ovary (kanser ovari) yang telah merebak kepada colon dan rectum.

Shidah yang kami sekeluarga kenali adalah seorang insan yang amat penyayang dan pemurah. Aku boleh katakan dia adalah ibu saudara yang paling disukai dan disayangi oleh anak-anak buah beliau. Mereka sering melihat MakCidah, nama panggilan anak-anak buah kepada beliau, sebagai role model seorang ibu yang penyayang dan seorang doktor yang amat komited. Anak kedua ku Atina, memang banyak terpengaruh dengan MakCidah dia. Atina menanam impian nak jadi pakar pediatrik macam MakCidah. Aku masih ingat `janji' MakCidah bahawa dia akan `groom' Atina untuk menjadi seorang doktor yang berjaya seperti beliau.


Pemergian Dr. Norrashidah bukan hanya kehilangan kepada keluarga tetapi sebenarnya kepada negara. Malaysia hanya mempunyai dua orang Pakar Pulmonori Pediatrik (paediatrician and paediatric pulmonologist).

Shidah, we're gonna miss you... yang pasti aku tidak akan dapat lagi dengar kata-kata beliau dengan dialek Minangkabau setiap kali aku membuat silly joke di hadapan beliau...."Abang Nan.....ghusakkk!"

Dari Allah kita datang, kepada Allah kita kembali. Semoga roh Allahyarhamah di cucuri rahmat dan di tempatkan bersama-sama oleh yang beramal soleh dan bertakwa. Amin.

Harta Pusaka, bauitulmal and my father's conviction (Lia)

Continuing from my other half entree, I would like to share a story or rather an incident related  by my beloved father. You can also call it a case that happened many years ago, possibly before I was born or may be I was very little then. My father told us  a few times  but we never asked  about the time frame.  What sticked with me all these years is the magnitude of his sacrifice for what he believed in. He was jailed for defending his principles and the cause he believed in.
This is about the harta pusaka ..Here is the story.... My late auntie, who I called Maktuo Siti was an only child, a widow and a sigle parent.  When her parents passed on they left her a house and a piece of land where the house was built and a small orchard. Being a single parent, she was trying to make ends meet and raising a few young children. The orchard was her only source of income. At least she owned a orchard or so she thought, until she found out that she has to divide her property (the land) with Baitulmal because she was a female and no male sibling.  Apparently there is a ruling that Baitulmal will get a share in the property left by female deceased who has no male sibling. My father protested vehemently, arguing against the unfairness of the ruling. He went to debate it with the Kadhi and was later sent to jailed for four days. Fortunately, his sacrifice and heroic act was paid off when Baitulmal decided to withdraw all its claim on the property. I did not know how my father did it or what was his argument. So all the the properties remained with my Maktuo Siti, which later, had been passed down  to her daughter, Kak Minah. I know very few among of us have the same  "keberanian" my father had...though uneducated, he was intelligent enough to know ones right and to stand up against  injustice in front of his eyes.

The same thing happened to my nieces when my sister in law passed away before she had time to transfer the property to her children. As Adnan mentioned in the previous posting, the poor girls had to pay Baitulmal to get their rightful heritage fully. But if  there were  male "waris", Faraid rulings will ensure that the property remain theirs fully without the state or Baitulmal put its claim.

So my honest advice to parents who own property / share or whatever please leave  a will or transfer the ownership to your children or siblings, parents or whoever that you want to leave it to,  to avoid the complication  as experienced by Pakcik Man of Taman Tun Sardon, Gelugor , Pulau Pinang. Better still divide whatever harta you have equally to all children while you're still breathing.

Wanita, Harta Pusaka dan Baitul Mal (Adnan)

Pagi ini, aku dan Lia singgah bersarapan di Taman Tun Sardon (TTS). Sebelum itu, kami sempat berjogging di Tasik Harapan, USM, selepas menghantar anak-anak ke sekolah untuk program Satu Murid Satu Sukan. Kebetulan duduk minum semeja ialah seorang duda kematian isteri lebih kurang 6 bulan. Beliau memperkenalkan diri sebagai Pak Cik Man, berumur 71 tahun, pesara Perbadanan Perlabuhan Pulau Pinang. Arwah isteri Pak Cik Man meninggal kerana serangan jantung, pada umur 65. Mereka mempunyai tiga anak perempuan, semuanya sudah berumah tangga. Apabila mencerita mengenai arwah isteri, aku dapat melihat kilauan jernih titisan berkaca dipenjuru mata Pak Cik Man. "Pak Cik masih ingat, semasa kami mengerjakan haji di Mekah, Pak Cik demam. Masa tu arwah Mak Cik menjaga dan yang menyapu air di kepala dan muka setiap masa" Sambil itu tangan beliau mengajukkan bagaimana arwah isteri beliau menyapu air muka dan kepala beliau. Aku dan Lia berseloroh "carilah ganti untuk menjadi teman". Susah nak lupa" jawap beliau ringkas, sambil merenung air teh yang tidak sempat dihirup kerana asyik bercerita.

Sebenarnya bukan nostalgia seorang suami yang kehilangan isteri yang ingin aku kongsikan di sini. Walaupun naratif Pak Cik Man mengenai hubungan beliau suami isteri sungguh terkesan kepada kami berdua. Ada perkara yang lebih mendesak untuk dibicarakan. Soal waris harta pesaka.

Pak Cik Man dan isteri bukan orang berada yang meninggalkan harta pesaka bertimbun-timbun. Arwah isteri Pak Cik Man semasa meninggal mempunyai RM10 ribu simpanan di dalam ASB, hasil sumbangan Pak Cik Man dan anak-anak. Masalahnya, simpanan ASB arwah isteri tiada penama. Justeru itu, simpanan tersebut perlu dibahagikan kepada waris-waris yang berhak. Menurut Pak Cik Man, oleh kerana mereka tidak mempunyai anak LELAKI, maka mengikut Baitul Mal yang mengurus mengenai harta pesaka, sebahagian simpanan tersebut mestilah diberikan kepada adik-beradik lelaki arwah isteri dan sebahagiannya di`ambil' oleh Baitul Mal.

Aku masih teringat anak saudara ku yang kematian ibu mereka (biras ku). Mereka dua beradik, kedua-keduanya perempuan, terpaksa membayar sejumlah wang (kurang pasti jumlahnya) untuk `menebus' harta pesaka peninggalan arwah ibu mereka dari Baitul Mal. Oleh kerana mereka berdua mampu dan ingin menyelesaikan soal pembahagian harta peninggalan arwah biras ku dengan segera, mereka berdua setuju tebus bahagian Baitul Mal.

Aku perlu akui memang aku jahil mengenai peranan Baitul Mal dan hukum hakam mengenai pembahagian harta pesaka. Namun, dalam kes Pak Cik Man, simpanan ASB arwah isteri beliau terpaksa dibahagikan juga kepada adik-beradik lelaki yang tidak ada kena mengena dengar harta sepencarian Pak Cik Man dan arwah isteri beliau. Kenapa tidak dibahagikan kepada Pak Cik Man dan anak-anak perempuan mereka sahaja. Dan kenapa perlu Bailtul `ambil' sebahagian daripada harta tersebut?

Ada semacam suatu yang `tidak kena' di sini (aku harap jangan ada orang yang cepat-cepat menjatuhkan hukum berdosa kerana aku mempersoalkan `hukum' yang ditetapkan oleh Baitul Mal. Aku masih tidak faham kenapa harta seorang wanita yang meninggal, sekiranya tidak diwasiatkan, sebahagiannya `diambil' oleh Baitul Wal.

Kembali kepada kisah Pak Cik Man, selepas 6 bulan kematian isteri, simpanan ASB RM10 ribu belum dapat diselesaikan selepas penat turun naik pejabat Majlis Agama Islam PP, Pejabat Amanah Raya Pejabat Baitul Mal. Beliau terpaksa mencari adik beradik arwah isteri menyelesaikannya, disamping sebahagian daripada RM10 ribu akan dijadikan harta Baitul Mal.

Is this a form an institutional robbery? Is this what Islam stipulates? Some thing is not right.

Sebelum aku meninggalkan gerai sarapan pagi kami bersalaman seperti pernah kenal bertahun-tahun. "Terima kasih banyak, semoga Allah murahkan rezeki" doa Pak Cik Man sambil menadah tangan, selepas dia sedar aku telah membayar sarapan beliau - dua keping capati dan secawan teh. Mahu aku dan Lia terus bersembang dengan Pak Cik Man pasal Baitul Mal dan arwah isteri beliau, tapi telefon Lia dah berdering, Amir dah habis bersukan.

All days are Father's and Mother's day (Lia)

Talking about father's day that has just passed and a much earlier mother's day in May, I would say, in general, all parents are great parents. But of course there are different styles of parenting. I came across one father who said, "I don't know much about my children academic matters, it is taken care by my wife. I'm not sure what course my daughter majors in, I am not home most of the time." He seems contented that his wife makes a lot of decision without consulting him and the children are doing fine by far and large.

In another setting, the father is dominant. What he says, goes, without much discussion. The children seem to be doing just fine as well.

It goes without saying that the best setting is for both parents to be involved in their children lives to a certain extent when they are still under your wings.  Actively participate in the children decisions to guide them along the correct path so less time is spent on corrective measure later on. The children have to understand what parents want are for them to have a better life and to be successful in their chosen undertakings.

As for us... we are willing to catch a grenade, jump in front of a train and take a bullet straight to the brain (listen to Bruno Mars's video) for the children if need be...

Ketidaksempurnaan, Ego dan Mohon Maaf (Adnan)

Let me pick up from Lia's previous posting on the issue of "ketidaksempurnaan, ego dan mohon maaf". I believe those three words are very much related to her 24 years of experience with her better half, which is ME. I never realised that I'm that type of person who is so `berat mulut' to say sorry, even when it was clearly my mistake (but I'm glad she can read my body language which sometimes is louder than words, I'm sorry). This is very unlike her who would quickly apologised. And I concur with her that it is about my ego. It took me over two decades of marital relationship to realise that. She'd subtly pointed out about this on many occasions, but it never changed anything, until I observed from our own children. Among our children, there are her `type' and there are my `type' or a combination. We have one daughter who is type "Kamaliah" and another daughter who is type "Adnan". The two boys some what a combination of type "Kamaliah" and "Adnan". The two daughters are very predictable about "mohon maaf" because there have inherited only one type, the two boys some how are rather unpredictable. The good thing about all this is that we talked about our children and their antics, but in actuality we are reflecting about ourselves. In short, we do learn many things from our children.

Father's Day (Adnan)

Kamil Hafidz, Atina Shahida, Afiza Khaleeda & Amir Radzwan,

Thanks for the gift (see picture)...a word paints a thousand pictures! Bunyi macam terbalik.Not really, with those words on those certificate, you can visual many things in your head. It can represent a symbolic gesture of appreciation, of trying to be funny (except for my little Amir, who's too serious) or may be for lack of ideas of getting your dad a little something! May be it's the last one, tak tahu nak beli apa...ayah cerewet sikit.

24th Wedding Anniversary (Adnan)

Wow, that's a long first piece from Lia. Hmm... apparently you have a lot of things to say about our anniversary and married life. By now, after 24 years, I think, both of us know our better half very well. One thing I would add, though, avoiding conflict and long-term communication breakdown between spouse requires hell of a skill. And we are both good at it.

Lia is a good listener, I have to admit. Most of the time, I will do the talking while she'd lend her ears listening to almost anything I'd to say (though while driving on the highway, often times she'd fell asleep, and I'll be talking to my car steering).  But there are times, we are simply quiet. Nothing to say. May be my`nothing box' takes over my brain, may be we were not in the mood, and often times, it was a `silent treatment' from me. I'll blog about `silent treatment' some other times. Infact, we can write a book about `silent treatment'.

Back to the anniversary, 24 years of ups and downs of marital relationship. Lots of sacrfices but overall it's full of love, laughter, joy and happiness. And we'd cherish and love to talk about it almost all the time. And this blog is a symbolic expression of that years of being together.